Come on life, start going up already

[dawnb]

I missed out on a really good guy because he and I both know I'm not ready for a relationship (my sex drive is non-existent, I find it hard to be too close [physically] to anyone, and I'm finding it much harder to empathize with people, so I kind of stayed far away from him and started making myself busy so I wouldn't have time to hang out with him).

A different guy I was with in a previous relationship had raped me a couple of weeks after we had broken up and I know I need counseling but the counseling center still hasn't scheduled me in (it's been 3 weeks and I've called 3 times, but they said they were going to call me back-I'll call them again tomorrow).

I also found out recently that the previous relationship guy had given me HPV (ew).


...The rape happened to me about two months ago, I filed a police report a month after it had happened and I got the same "you shouldn't have waited so long" response from all the law enforcement people. I haven't heard from them about the case, but I'm wondering if they took it seriously because it had been so long since it had happened and me and the guy were in a relationship for like 6 months before I broke up with him.

What else...

I loved working out, but I haven't felt like it... at all. I usually work out about everyday but I just don't have the gusto-my body feels heavy and sore and not wanting to move around much

Has anyone else felt an extreme hormonal imbalance after they were raped? I could swear I'm growing more facial hair... and my period came like twice last month. Ugh.

I want to forget that it ever happened (the rape), I want to go back in time and tell myself to better position myself and not hang out with my ex alone, I want to heal faster and just get over it so I can move on with life and not be scared, grossed out, or feel awkward around a future relationship. I know it's only been two months and the guy is still out there, probably not even thinking about what he did.

It's frustrating, this anger and sadness and lack-of-sex drive and virus and I can't even think about how bright the futures going to be because I don't know if I'll ever heal from this. I feel like it'll always be on mind, ya know?

[ashleyrnjpa]

Thank you for sharing and to answer a couple of your raised points is that: yes you will heal. It takes time to heal. It won't always be on your mind. Personally, it was in the front of my mind for a long time, but over time, it slipped to my subconscious, but it happens. Soon enough (hopefully) it should be out of my mind. I understand the lack of wanting to do things that you once did, and in time, that drive will come back as well

[lornjstaff]

Hey there dawnb,

My name is Lo. I am a peer advocate with RNJ.

You have been through a lot in a short amount of time. Be gentle with yourself. Everything you're experiencing is common and nothing you should feel ashamed about. The good thing is that, although you're burnt out right now, is that you are using some energy to come on here and talk. It's a great outlet. Something I have recommended to others is the book 'When thing fall apart' and Start where you are'....both by Pema Chodron. These two books changed my life and the way way I not only viewed my past sexual abuse, but also how I was going to handle it in the future. Please keep us posted on if the clinic you're trying to schedule an appointment with has contacted you or not. Hopefully they will call you soon.

be gentle, stay stong.
-Lo