Post by gaby on Feb 9, 2013 6:27:18 GMT -5
Well, my story starts on December 9,2009 (yes, I do remember the exact date) I had just broken up with my first semi-serious boyfriend. It was a pretty nasty break up so he decided he would stop by my home and harass me to figure out what went wrong (Along with raising his hand at me for refusing to get back with him). My mom and step dad were gone for the day and my overprotective brother had just left to MCT (Marine Combat Training) so I called the second closest boy in my life one of my many cousins. We will call him Jay.
Like I expected, Jay showed up in less then ten minutes to rid of my harasser.. It had been a while since my cousin and I had hung out, outside of me attending all his sporting events (I mean ALL, I rarely missed a game), but we had always been close since I could remember. My brother, him and I had been like best friends all my life. I loved him like my little brother.
My ex boyfriend came back a few times so I asked Jay to stay until someone came home because I was scared. Being big fans of sports, we turned on a NBA game..Celtics. (I don't know why I remember that so vividly but I do.)
This is going to sound cliche but I would have never EVER expected the events that followed.
About half an hour after arriving I noticed some awkwardness in the air. I tried to start a conversation with Jay. He was very short and seemed to be pondering. I figured he was tired or moody and just wanted to be left alone, so I sat silently watching the game. A few minutes later, Jay's hand was on my leg, although uncomfortable, I didn't say a word. Before I knew it, He was trying to kiss on me and put his hands on me. I kept trying to push him off and get away but I'm not very strong. The more I fought back the more he would grope me angrily. At one point, I was able to get up and i tried to get away but he wrestled me down, pinned me to the ground and took off my clothes. He hurt me if I moved as he forced himself into my mouth and used his hands to abuse me. Before he left, he threatened beating me, my 5 year old sister's virginity, falsely claiming my uncle (who was currently in a trial) sexually assaulted him, saying he would say it was mutual and people would think I am a wh**e, sl*t, etc. among other things. He kept in touch by harassing me by phone and stalking me making sure where I was and what I was doing almost at all times. I was scared for my life. If I didn't answer within five minutes he would show up at my homes and "visit with my family". Everything just got worse from there.
Martin Luther King day 2010 was the first time he actually raped me and from then on, it became more frequent and detrimental. Some times I was up to 3-4 times a week. One day, I refused to answer his text so he left me a voicemail while with my little sister (he didn't hurt her, he just wanted to scare me). He would show up at my high school, in my room in the middle of the night, when I was babysitting. EVERYWHERE
.. He would come to my home and of course no one thought anything of it since he was my "best friend". It was that easy. For months escalated until I couldn't take it anymore. I began smoking marijuana and hurting myself. I tried committing suicide. Obviously that didn't work out so I tried to continue dealing with the situation. Being brutally beaten while being raped made me realize he was not lying, he really would kill me if I told. So I kept quiet. My brother came home during the summer time and introduced us to his new girlfriend Daisy.
After only spending a total of like an hour around Daisy, she told my brother she sensed something "off" about me. The night before my brother went back to Camp Pendleton for more training, Daisy, him and I spent some time tomorrow. Somehow, Jay's name came up and she made a comment about not liking him and without thinking I agreed. My brother was furious (Jay was his best friend).. they left and I didn't think Daisy thought anything of it but that night Daisy FB messaged me and asked me about it and about me being so.."off"..for weeks she hounded me about it until finally I told her. I told her all the threats he made to me and told her if she told I would kill myself. For about two months Daisy kept it a secret for me but one weekend after my brother came home, she couldn't anymore and told me that if I didn't tell my brother she would have to.
Telling my brother was the hardest thing I have ever done in my whole life. Jay was his BEST FRIEND in the whole world. When he was home they were inseparable. He took it really hard. Ben, being in California couldn't really do a whole lot until he could get leave to come home. The beatings/rapes got worse. My birthday, thanksgiving, christmas, new years, were the worst I'd ever had in my life.
Eventually it became too much I told my mom, my sister and my dad. My dad is REALLY strict and hard to talk to so I was terrified when my sister said I HAD to tell him. Instead of trying to help me, my dad turned it on me saying I was WEAK and a lot of other things for not making it stop. He told me I could've stopped it if I wanted to and was stupid for not. I could go on and on about what he said but I'd rather not. He did NOTHING to help me at all. Basically, he told me "life happens and you can't trust people." He didn't even talk to my cousin's parents, my mom did all that.. Well, she tried. His mother refuses to believe her "little angel" would do that to anyone. And she began spreading rumors about me being promiscuous (knowing well that I wanted to wait until marriage, because before the incidents she was my favorite aunt and I told her everything.) Again, I lost it, I felt like I no longer had feeling this time I tried cutting and my use of marijuana increased..severely. I began abusing my anxiety meds. I just wanted to numb the pain. I didn't want to feel anything anymore.
Mom tried getting me mental help and it was working but once I graduated high school I was determined to get away..
I thought moving six hours away from home to attend school would be my "way out" after my mom talked to his parents but boy was I wrong. He would go SIX HOURS out of his way just to scare me. Physically beat me, "just for fun"
After I was raped, I began to see the world for what it really is and that "my family" was really all about. At least three other incidents similar to mine have happened in my family. 2 of them done by the same person. I realized that my father cares more about "protecting" his family name than what happen to me and, that hurts more than anyone will ever know. It still kills me today.
Finally, after being harassed by him, his mother, other family members and others, I lost it. completely. I don't quite remember (nor want to) about what I did that night but I ended up on a psychiatric floor of a hospital for a few days. I've been diagnosed with PTSD, an adjustment disorder, severe depression, an anxiety disorder, I'm an insomniac and also contracted genital herpes from this..I have nightmares about it constantly to this day.
Through all this though, my favorite, I like to call him a poet (rapper) Scott Mescudi aka Kid Cudi has always been there..always. His music helped me an indescribable amount. I would have hurt myself numerous more times if it wasn't for his music. (Check out my tattoo of him in the artwork section ;]...) I also found God through all of this tooo and he is walking me back to where I need to be. My mom has been so helpful and has been the only one fully supporting me the whole way. She goes through a lot for me and I can't even begin to explain how much I love her for that.
Last summer, I decided to report my assaults. It has been over half a year and NOTHING has been done. That is REALLY frustrating to me. This person has hurt three girls (two of my younger cousins and I) and he is walking around freely.. It blows my mind. Anyone have any suggestions on how I can get the process moving along?
Like I expected, Jay showed up in less then ten minutes to rid of my harasser.. It had been a while since my cousin and I had hung out, outside of me attending all his sporting events (I mean ALL, I rarely missed a game), but we had always been close since I could remember. My brother, him and I had been like best friends all my life. I loved him like my little brother.
My ex boyfriend came back a few times so I asked Jay to stay until someone came home because I was scared. Being big fans of sports, we turned on a NBA game..Celtics. (I don't know why I remember that so vividly but I do.)
This is going to sound cliche but I would have never EVER expected the events that followed.
About half an hour after arriving I noticed some awkwardness in the air. I tried to start a conversation with Jay. He was very short and seemed to be pondering. I figured he was tired or moody and just wanted to be left alone, so I sat silently watching the game. A few minutes later, Jay's hand was on my leg, although uncomfortable, I didn't say a word. Before I knew it, He was trying to kiss on me and put his hands on me. I kept trying to push him off and get away but I'm not very strong. The more I fought back the more he would grope me angrily. At one point, I was able to get up and i tried to get away but he wrestled me down, pinned me to the ground and took off my clothes. He hurt me if I moved as he forced himself into my mouth and used his hands to abuse me. Before he left, he threatened beating me, my 5 year old sister's virginity, falsely claiming my uncle (who was currently in a trial) sexually assaulted him, saying he would say it was mutual and people would think I am a wh**e, sl*t, etc. among other things. He kept in touch by harassing me by phone and stalking me making sure where I was and what I was doing almost at all times. I was scared for my life. If I didn't answer within five minutes he would show up at my homes and "visit with my family". Everything just got worse from there.
Martin Luther King day 2010 was the first time he actually raped me and from then on, it became more frequent and detrimental. Some times I was up to 3-4 times a week. One day, I refused to answer his text so he left me a voicemail while with my little sister (he didn't hurt her, he just wanted to scare me). He would show up at my high school, in my room in the middle of the night, when I was babysitting. EVERYWHERE
.. He would come to my home and of course no one thought anything of it since he was my "best friend". It was that easy. For months escalated until I couldn't take it anymore. I began smoking marijuana and hurting myself. I tried committing suicide. Obviously that didn't work out so I tried to continue dealing with the situation. Being brutally beaten while being raped made me realize he was not lying, he really would kill me if I told. So I kept quiet. My brother came home during the summer time and introduced us to his new girlfriend Daisy. After only spending a total of like an hour around Daisy, she told my brother she sensed something "off" about me. The night before my brother went back to Camp Pendleton for more training, Daisy, him and I spent some time tomorrow. Somehow, Jay's name came up and she made a comment about not liking him and without thinking I agreed. My brother was furious (Jay was his best friend).. they left and I didn't think Daisy thought anything of it but that night Daisy FB messaged me and asked me about it and about me being so.."off"..for weeks she hounded me about it until finally I told her. I told her all the threats he made to me and told her if she told I would kill myself. For about two months Daisy kept it a secret for me but one weekend after my brother came home, she couldn't anymore and told me that if I didn't tell my brother she would have to.
Telling my brother was the hardest thing I have ever done in my whole life. Jay was his BEST FRIEND in the whole world. When he was home they were inseparable. He took it really hard. Ben, being in California couldn't really do a whole lot until he could get leave to come home. The beatings/rapes got worse. My birthday, thanksgiving, christmas, new years, were the worst I'd ever had in my life.
Eventually it became too much I told my mom, my sister and my dad. My dad is REALLY strict and hard to talk to so I was terrified when my sister said I HAD to tell him. Instead of trying to help me, my dad turned it on me saying I was WEAK and a lot of other things for not making it stop. He told me I could've stopped it if I wanted to
and was stupid for not. I could go on and on about what he said but I'd rather not. He did NOTHING to help me at all. Basically, he told me "life happens and you can't trust people." He didn't even talk to my cousin's parents, my mom did all that.. Well, she tried. His mother refuses to believe her "little angel" would do that to anyone. And she began spreading rumors about me being promiscuous (knowing well that I wanted to wait until marriage, because before the incidents she was my favorite aunt and I told her everything.) Again, I lost it, I felt like I no longer had feeling this time I tried cutting and my use of marijuana increased..severely. I began abusing my anxiety meds. I just wanted to numb the pain. I didn't want to feel anything anymore.Mom tried getting me mental help and it was working but once I graduated high school I was determined to get away..
I thought moving six hours away from home to attend school would be my "way out" after my mom talked to his parents but boy was I wrong. He would go SIX HOURS out of his way just to scare me. Physically beat me, "just for fun"
After I was raped, I began to see the world for what it really is and that "my family" was really all about. At least three other incidents similar to mine have happened in my family. 2 of them done by the same person. I realized that my father cares more about "protecting" his family name than what happen to me and, that hurts more than anyone will ever know. It still kills me today.
Finally, after being harassed by him, his mother, other family members and others, I lost it. completely. I don't quite remember (nor want to) about what I did that night but I ended up on a psychiatric floor of a hospital for a few days. I've been diagnosed with PTSD, an adjustment disorder, severe depression, an anxiety disorder, I'm an insomniac and also contracted genital herpes from this
..I have nightmares about it constantly to this day. Through all this though, my favorite, I like to call him a poet (rapper) Scott Mescudi aka Kid Cudi has always been there..always. His music helped me an indescribable amount. I would have hurt myself numerous more times if it wasn't for his music. (Check out my tattoo of him in the artwork section ;]...) I also found God through all of this tooo and he is walking me back to where I need to be. My mom has been so helpful and has been the only one fully supporting me the whole way. She goes through a lot for me and I can't even begin to explain how much I love her for that.
Last summer, I decided to report my assaults. It has been over half a year and NOTHING has been done. That is REALLY frustrating to me. This person has hurt three girls (two of my younger cousins and I) and he is walking around freely.. It blows my mind. Anyone have any suggestions on how I can get the process moving along?
