Post by beckf on Dec 24, 2012 19:51:02 GMT -5
My story beings on Christmas, when I was 15 years old. My family was Camping for Christmas and I woke up in the very early hours of the morning in the tent with my little sister snoring away on one side of me and my older brother on the other. I wish I could say he was sleeping. I really, really wish I could. But he wasn't he was touching me, groping me. I rolled over pretending I was asleep, stunned, shocked, and unable to comprehend what was going on. My mind thawed and I began to think of my choices, what could I do? I was scared to stay but I was scared to leave, leave my innocent little sister lying there vulnerable. Self preservation won out, I got up, took my sleeping bag and lay down on the grass out side and watched the stars, till I felt peaceful enough and insignificant enough to drift to sleep. My mum woke me up on her way to the amenities block. She pressured me to tell her why I was there and what was wrong. I told her only to have my mum and dad believe the lies that my brother told them. They actually made us HUG and makeup. I had to HUG the monster that touched me so inappropriately just a few hours before. It apparently wasn't the first time he had done it, nor was it the last. It was only the first time I woke up, part of me wished I hadn't. Now Christmas is something that I eagerly await each year, getting wrapped up in the fun spirit of it till its here. Then I cry, cry for the scared, helpless girl asleep in her bed. Scared that if I have a son and daughter she may suffer the same fate I did and the same fat my mother did at the hands of her bother. I am scared that I will never again be able to enjoy Christmas as I so desperately want to. I had high hopes for this Christmas I really did. I had been doing everything I could to prepare myself for the difficult things and the sad moments and to be really kind to myself. All that hard work in vain as I spend yet another Christmas day in tears destroying my makeup. My husband and I had been trying to conceive a child for almost a year and due to health issues this has not been possible and may not be possible and I have to suffer though today listening to my sister in law break the news to the extended family that she is pregnant. I may have been able to stay strong and tears free with a smile on my face if I only had to deal with one of the issues, but both at once is just a bit too much. Another teary Christmas. There is always next year.